Today at “J.Quist” – we’ll be using the day-off to address some highly debated issues that have been surrounding the Yankee dugout for months now…


  His speed says no, but his pudgy face cries yes… Despite being one of the best Yankee fielders on the team this year, New York fans just can’t seem to agree on Melky’s outward appearance. Is Cabrera a fast chunky player, or a fast player who appears chunky? We seem to be left with a paradox… How can a chunky guy be so quick, and how can a quick guy be so chunky? The world may never know…



   We’re on to you Matsui! In one instance, we’ll see our boy Hideki laughing up a storm with Jeter and pals… In another instance, we’ll Matsui hit a walk-off homer – and use a translator to handle his post-game interviews… What’s wrong with this picture? I personally believe that Matsui is perfectly capable of speaking english, but chooses to save his speeches and fat jokes for the person he’s closest to…



   If you research Ransom on Wikipedia, the results conclude that he was born in 1976… but Yankee fans beg to differ! It’s obvious that the Yankees organization is adding 20 years to Ransom’s life to give us the impression that he’s a wise individual. If you add the square root of 9 to the radius of a circle, it becomes completely evident that Cody is in fact – nothing more than a 12 year old boy who bombed his audition for High School Musical 4.



   C’mon Francisco, you’re not fooling anyone either… Upon further research, Wikipedia suggests that Cervelli is nothing more than a 22 year old kid out of Venezuela. Do they really expect us to buy this bologna? I pain-stakingly contacted several of my Venezuelan colleagues, and suprise surprise – got the real scoop on Cervelli’s date of birth. It seems as though we’ve been lied to – and Francisco is in fact a 39 year old Canadian, who opted to play for the Yankees after missing the role of a possessed catcher in the never-released, “A League of Their Own 2.” Tom Hanks went on to say, “He was always sticking his tongue out, and his english was kind of hard to comprehend… In the end, the film-makers and I decided that it’d be best to just cough up the extra money and bring Geena Davis back.”


   *And there you have it.



  1. jesskcoleman

    Haha very good! I bet Matsui does speak english and just doesn’t want to deal with the media. Ransom is just an idiot.
    Thanks for checking out my blog! Check back soon, I’ll be checking back with yours daily as well, it’s very good.
    Thanks again,
    – NYColeman

  2. southernbelle

    J.Quist: I don’t care what Melky is, he is just adorable. He has a very full baby face, but I don’t think he is really chunky. Matsui can definetely speak English. Ransom does look like a baby, as well as Ramiro Pena! He looks like he is 10! And Cervelli, oh my Cervelli, he is a precious cute thing. He looks like a baby too. I hope to see him again soon.
    This was a great post! -Virginia

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